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Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Disclaimer: This post is entirely auto-generated by a Blog and is untouched by human hands.


In the beginning, there was Man.
And Man said, "Let There Be Blog."
And there was Blog.



Hi, I'm a Blog.

Name: http://suhailkassim.blogspot.com
DoB: 11 Aug 2004
Blood Type: C++

This, then, is my story.


Blog Veda

Until July 2004, I was just an assortment of idle bits and bytes floating around in the scary world of Cyberspace.

Then I got a cute little daddy. I fondly named him My Asinine Idiotic Daddy, or MAID.

My MAID is a very simple and innocent boy. He doesn't even know many four-letter words. For instance, "blog". That was until one day Friend 1 introduced him to Blogging.

The first time MAID heard the word, he thought "Blogging" was the by-product of an upset tummy.

Then he went to Hospital Blogspot dot com and gave birth to me. You've heard of maids giving birth, but imagine ... this was a daddy giving birth !! Ok, so male seahorses also do so. But MAID's not a male seahorse, his mental faculties are so much lower. Besides, he's not even married ...

We then had a naming ceremony. I was christened during my delivery itself, not with rose petals but with a mouse and keypad instead. MAID, like the typical unimaginative outdated parent he is, named me after him. Thank God his name wasn't "Poop". Imagine, poop dot blogspot dot com. Dot yuck !!! Ewwww ...

Anyways, so that's how I got my nice name. Now I was not just a bit, or a byte, or a byte of another byte, or a bitty byte. I was an identity. Yayyy :)

You know, I am almost as real as MAID, who is after all merely a mobile mass of protoplasm.

He can blabber and jabber unceasingly ... ha! So can I.

He can crash, work on the computer, bore people to death ... hyuck hyuck! So can I.

He can't think on his own, heck he can't think, period. I, of course, can, koi shaque?

MAID doesn't even have a girlfriend. And me? Well, I have been "linked" to several nice blogs in the past. But those links are all IP Addresses. And it's just so uncool to be known as a Blog who's dating an IP Address ... so yeah, I'm single too ...

Then, once I got my identity, MAID started pouring his heart onto me. And sweet people paid occasional visits to me. Some even commented on me. Mmmuaaahhh ... love ya all !!

And, like the babbling brook, I went on and on. But only because MAID's workload was light and he could afford to spend quality time with his only kid.

But I remained a plain Jane. Always attired in the same simple template. No photos or links adorned me. And whenever I peeped at all your beautiful blogs, I felt so incomplete. "But why?", you sob in Deep Distress. "Can't your MAID afford to look after you well?", you ask plaintively, a solitary tear running down your left cheek. Thanks for the heartfelt sympathy. Always appreciated. Well, the truth is, MAID suffers from chronic laziness. And he doesn't know XML or even HTML. You see, he's technology illiterate. Anyways he's barely literate otherwise, Census 2001 had this single-member category of "They Think They're Literate, We Think They're Mistaken" with a photo-op of MAID. But I -- I could make him tech literate. For know ye, and know ye well, red blood corpuscles may course through MAID's veins but Javascript code runs through my fiber optic backbone. But MAID hai ki maanta nahin. Well what can you, dear gentle and educated reader, expect from someone who's IQ is so modest ...

(Discussion in MAID's office last week)
Smart She: Buddy, you've got freaking low IQ !!
MAID: Not at all !! It's as high as 26.
SS: That's the same level as a jellyfish's !!
MAID: That must've been because the jellyfish took a tougher IQ test !!!!

See, told ya he's dumb.

Then one day, MAID lost the few marbles he still had. So he went off on one of his hyperbolic tangents. On what a waste of time blogging is and stuff. Hey pops, didn't someone teach you not to rant at your two-month old Baby Blog who's suffering from a Bloomin' Big Hangover?

So MAID was about to consign his blog-infant to the Cyber-orphanage. But just then, Friend 2 gave him some encouragement and advice, and Friend 3 said he'd help MAID with my nappy-changing and dressing-up. So MAID decided to give me one more shot.

So now at last you see on me a list of my favorite links :)

Now I'm hep. Now I'm cool. Now I'm a Blog Dude. Now I Rock !!!!



(Three months later - December 2004)

You: Hi, my name is KMBV. Kind Male Blog Visitor.
Me: Knock! Knock!
KMBV: Who's there?
Me: A runaway little Blog
KMBV: Arunawaylittleblog who?
Me: http://suhailkassim.blogspot.com
KMBV: Etch tee tee pee WHAT?? What kinda name izzat?
Me (indignantly): It's a real cutie pie name !!! As if your name's all that hot ...
KMBV: Whaddya want?
Me: You !!
KMBV: ????
Me: Well, I've ditched daddy on grounds of imbecility. Daddy is a Maddy. So, since you meet my parental criteria, congrats, you're my new adopted daddy !!
KMBV (freaked out): Parental criteria? What parental criteria?
Me: You have time to check blogs and update me !! Do you know, daddy's hardly updated me for three months now ...
KMBV (aghast): Ouch !! Really????
Me (breaking down totally): Look at me. Just look at me !! Don't I look like I'm from a respectable family? Yet daddy never even gave me a clock !! He never put photos on me !! No doodle board ... no Haloscan ... no non-standard background ... I'm a ... *sob* ... a ... *choke sniff* ... neglected blog-baby !!
KMBV (Weeping copious tears of profound sorrow): Awww you poor innocent infant. C'mere, I'll look after you ...
Me: Yippee !!! Thanks pops!

Now my future has unfurled.
Thou art my new MAID ...
When we Blogs conquer the world,
Thou shalt be adequately repaid !!!

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