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Monday, October 11, 2004

The Hidden Truth

(All politicians suck, but some suck more. This fictional piece is dedicated to them.)

"Texas Governor George Walker Bush donned the mantle of president-elect in what was, in effect, his presidential victory speech, following Vice President Al Gore's concession of the historic, protracted Election 2000 battle for the White House."
- CNN Headlines, 11:45 PM EST, 13 December 2000


On his first day as President of the United States, George Bush Jr. stepped into the Oval Office at the White House, feeling exceptionally important. He was, after all, the "most powerful man on earth".

As he entered his office, the Head of Security at the White House, Lt. Gen. Alfred Lowell, a man who had served under six Presidents, met him under the hallowed arched entrance and requested a word with him in private.

Aware that White House protocol had to be followed, Bush granted Lowell an audience.

"Sir", said Lowell as the two men sat face to face across the most significant table in the annals of modern-day human history, "there is something you must know. It is my duty to personally inform all new President-elects on their first day that they have to report to the Ferucil Council on a daily basis."

For a piquant moment, Bush sat stunned. Then he sputtered, "Me? Report? Sir, I am the President of the United States! And I am a Texan! I report to nobody! And who did you say ... the Feru what? Who're they?"

"The Ferucil Council," said Lowell patiently, displaying an acquired skill of having handled similar situations before, "has its HQ in a top-secret corridor not fifty yards from where you sit, Sir. Would you like me to escort you to them now? Their current Commander, Mr. Teufel, requests the pleasure of your company for a brief period immediately. He will more than adequately explain what the Council is, and why it is so important to you."

Bush had sat speechless with shock during this entire monologue. He could scarcely believe that this was the first official conversation he was having as President. Ferucil Council ... Teufel ...was this some kind of induction prank!?

He found his tongue at last. "Lowell, if this is some kind of joke ... "

Lowell stood up straight. "We, Sir, are not accustomed to joking," he stated matter-of-factly. "If you wish, you may speak to any former President to verify the sagacity of our advice."

"Get me my father," spat Bush. He sat drumming his fingers impatiently on the mahogany tabletop as George Bush Sr was connected on a secure hotline.

"Dad,", said Bush Jr, "do you know anything about ... "

"The Ferucil Council?", came the weary voice of Bush Sr over the hotline. "Yes, son, I know everything about them. They are a secret Special Council for instructing Presidents and Heads of State all over the world. And I believe they have special plans for you. You would do well to accompany Lowell, he will guide you. Goodbye."

Bush Jr sat stunned for a few seconds, digesting this information.

"Would you kindly care to accompany me, Sir?" Lowell's gentle but firm voice interrupted his reverie.

Bush looked like he was about to protest, but then looked up at the nearly seven foot tall officer and suddenly capitulated.

He stood up and said quietly, "Fine. Lead on."

Lowell strode across the room to where the life-size portrait of Jefferson hung, with the immortal words "In God We Trust" inscribed in gold beneath. He pushed something which looked like a secret button hidden in the word "God". The wall seemed to give way and a steel panel emerged. Lowell took a pen from his breast pocket and pointed it at the panel. There was an audible click and the panel swung open, revealing a labyrinthine tunnel within.

As Lowell led Bush into the tunnel, illuminated by hundreds of fluorescent bulbs, he became chatty. "This passage was made in the time of George Washington, Sir. It houses one of the greatest secrets of mankind -- the offices of the Ferucil Chamber. None but the Presidents of the United States -- past and present -- and the Heads of Security of the White House know about its existence. We call this tunnel the 'Infierno Corridor', or simply 'Corridor 6' ".

Lowell suddenly stopped and pointed to a little door. "Mr. Teufel awaits within, Sir", he said deferentially and stepped back.

Suddenly, Bush suddenly felt like he was floating in a dream. As if in a haze, he saw the number inscribed in gold on the office door. Room 66.

The door opened. And he entered, and instantaneously everything became crystal clear in a blinding flash. And he realized who he would really be reporting to, and why.

Corridor 6, Room 66 -- the number 666. 'Teufel', German for 'the devil'. Ferucil, anagram of Lucifer. Infierno, Italian for Hell ...

Satan had his HQ in Corridor 6, Room 66 of the White House ...

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